Hello Listeners.
The last week has been, for lack of a better word, difficult. I have experienced loss, betrayal, doubt,hurt and what seemed like attacks on every side. One particular experience left me feeling so raw and scarred, I almost lost my faith in the good of people...almost (stay with me). That experience alone was really enough, for my week, but life isn't always convenient. However, from a number of rather surprising sources, I've been covered and loved on in such an endearing way. So...just in case you're reading this and feel like you're losing everything, here are a few things I've learned this week.
1) (And hear me clearly, please) You...are not...alone, no matter what it feels like. There is someone who is always loving on you, even from a distance. In losing someone very close to me, it made me think about people who aren't necessarily in my inner circle, but who I see on a regular basis. So,even if you don't see a person on a regular basis, it doesn't mean you don't hold a special place in their heart of hearts. The world is a large place, and yes one is a lonely number, but there is always someone who loves you...no matter what.
2) (Since I mentioned solitude) In times like these, do NOT stay by yourself for too long. The mind is a tricky little organ, and...I'm pretty sure it was Friday that I stayed in my room and didn't mope per se, but just let my thoughts roam. When you are healing, it's not good to refrain from consistent trips to the doctor, so to speak, so you can heal properly. Besides, hearing from people who love you that it's okay kind of proves your mind wrong...so there!
3) When you are going through a painful season, know that it is just that: a season. From the outside, I know it may sound like I don't know how every person this relates to feels, and you may be right, but know that I'm still healing. Even today, after my mother and I had our weekly chat, she had to remind me that I got through the painful moment(s) that they are moments...seconds...hours...periods of time, and they won't last forever. It's good to have people snap you back into reality after circumstances can try to warp it. So get through this, because when you look back on it, you'll see just how far you've come and how strong you are because of all of this.
4) If you never hear the words, "I'm sorry," let it go. You have to, and that really isn't so much a suggestion but a, well, slight command. I once heard it said like this: "Choosing to not forgive someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick." Here's a harsh reality: maybe the other person is relenting and hurting and feeling guilty, but there is a chance that they aren't thinking about how much pain you're feeling...and it sucks a lot. But if you've been seething for quite some time and you aren't making an effort to let it go, after a while all of that bitterness will drive you nuts. Healing takes time...lots of time. It may take tears and yelling and questions and the like, but there has to come a point where you have to let it go. It may not happen today or tomorrow, but it will come if you are making an effort.
5) (As an English Major, I kind of HAVE TO say this) Write. Skate. Dance. Get off of campus. Find something that brings you joy (AND IS HEALTHY) and do it. That being said however, don't use it as a means of running away from the issue. Get out your frustrations, but don't ignore the issue. Find people who enjoy you and enjoy them and heal. This is what this whole thing is about: healing.
6) Light comes. There is going to come a point where you're going to look back on this and (not necessarily laugh)it'll just be a wisp of a memory. It may not be the most pleasant thing to ponder, but it'll just be, again, a season to look back on.In talking to my mother today, she reminded me of a similar situation I went through when I was a little girl. When I was 11, I auditioned for a professional theater company in Philly that paid a good amount of money to perform (remember, I was 11! I'd be making my own cash...like real cash!). Now, up until this point, I'd nailed every audition I'd attended. So, when they told me no, I cried...FOR HOURS. I felt like my world had shattered. What's worse, my friend who came with me for support was asked to audition...and she MADE IT. My world was over! If anyone remembers Snapple Smoothies, that's what my mother bought me to calm me down lol. About a month or so after the audition, I received a letter from the company thanking me for taking the time out to audition (very generic) and I distinctly remember thinking, "Why was I so upset about all of this? I'm so over this! (really!)"
(Out of the mouths of babes lol!)
Finally...
7) (Something I did today) Write yourself a love letter...or love post-its.Let me explain this. When I was home this time last year (that's another post), I read in this book called It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken: Here's How to Fix It one way to heal. Get some post its and a mirror (or some place where you can look at them) and write down little reminders to yourself (i.e. "Let it go." or "Your friends love you." or "I am fearfully and wonderfully made."(oh, and be realistic. If you need to post, "He is gone and not coming back (hypothetically)" then do that. Write what is HEALTHY, encouraging, and works for you.))
So, these are a few of the things I learned this week/ had to be reminded of/ had to remind myself of. Many thanks to all of you (you know who you are) who were SO good to me and thanks be to God for covering me this week too! You can do it! I believe in you!
Keeping the Faith and Keeping it Real,
aM
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